


ikigai

by sakuluvies



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: M/M, Tags will be added as the story goes along, at some point explicit but i don't want to give spoilers, it's sad, probably angst, relationship cameos i guess?
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-11-13
Updated: 2020-11-14
Packaged: 2021-03-10 03:42:07
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,040
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27547768
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sakuluvies/pseuds/sakuluvies
Summary: ikigai (n.) lit. "a reason for being"; "a reason to get up in the morning", to enjoy the meaning of life —passion, purpose, something one lives for."The story in where sakusa tries to find his ikigai; or, better: how atsumu helps sakusa find his ikigai.
Relationships: Miya Atsumu/Sakusa Kiyoomi
Kudos: 5





	ikigai

**Author's Note:**

> i don't think i need to say this but as always:
> 
> \- english is not my first nor second language; any mistake i make will be corrected once i edit the chapters (maybe a day or two after publish it). If there is any mistake or something u can comment it down below, but please be kind or it will be blocked.
> 
> \- i didn't want to put many tags in order to not spoil the story, but they will be added along the fic; when it get's explicit, there will be a warning, don't worry. → THERE WILL NOT BE A MCD otherwise i would have put it already
> 
> \- i tend to write the fics while listening to music so maybe i'll be recommending songs after the chapter that helped me get inspired :D

"Useless"

That was Sakusa's Kiyoomi first words. Everyone seems so excited to know their firsts words; who would they say it? Do they mean, actually, something? Was they just repeating the word they heard the most? The last one they heard at that moment? Sakusa never thought about it. But he was aware that it was his first word. Why did he said it? To whom? How he learned it? Easily: repeating it. That's what kids do, copy and imitate —in this situation, repeat— what others do.

Sakusa hated that. 

Because copying and imitating meant having no personality, or whatsoever. Even if you are 2 years old, don't have enough self awareness of the world nor a choice to when you'll be able to speak, it was stupid. Somehow.

Sakusa never understood the importance of those minimal things. Why is it so important what your first word is? Most of the time is a wrong try at saying dad or mum, sometime cookies... and others is just a random non-existent word that kids make up and their parents seem to accept and start to get excited for. A. simple. word. 

If only words were always as simple as those.

Obviously one needs to know words to be able to speak, to be able to communicate and to be able to form relationships. Sakusa learned how to speak at a really, young, but not too young, age. He wasn't a prodigy, that he was aware. However, knowing how to speak it doesn't necessarily mean you actually do that. Sakusa knew billions of words, as every other human does, he even was interested in words that not many people knew and that meant something rather than "a color" "a shape". So because knowing words is not enough reason for someone to talk, Sakusa didn't. And therefore, he didn't communicate and didn't establish connections.

—So fucking useless.

Useless. He found it ironic now. 

He remembers every and each time those words were said in his house when he was younger. Especially if they were directed to him. 

—If you don't talk you won't have friends and will become a loner all your life.

And he could agree to it; somehow. Again, Sakusa wasn't a fanatic of speaking to others. That's why those words were often said to him. He was 4, and didn't make any friends in school. He was 8 and still, no kid came to his house to play with him. But then he was 11, and he had made a friend. An actual friend. Maybe? Is family valid? I mean, by a non-written rule that as you grow up you realize is bullshit, family is supposed to be your friend and close to you. 

Motoya Komori was, somehow, his first friend. Even if he was his cousin. 

Sakusa and Komori started to live together at the age of 11. When they had just met for the first time. Sakusa's grandmother dropped him at this weird big house where his auntie and her son had been living for years. Sakusa knew he had siblings, he lived with them, obviously, but he had never known until that moment that he had more family that the one he was sharing a place with. Komori run to welcome his cousin with a big smile and a big hug Sakusa, unintentionally, rudely refused to. He didn't need that kid to touch him, but he knew he could have just said it. Again: Sakusa didn't want to talk. He had to.

—I am Motoya Komori, we are family! And you are going to live with us from now on! Wanna see my games? My manga collection? I can show you where I go to play after...

—Komori, honey, I think you should let Sakusa settle first. Why don't we show him his room?

He didn't had to talk. But he felt oddly comfortable around those two strangers. He had never met anyone like Komori: too much extroverted, friendly, talkative. 

—My mum says you don't talk. Do you want me to teach you how to read? I mean.... We are old kids now, you should know how to read.

—I know how to. And I know how to speak. —Sakusa's voice came out as a whisper, but not to his cousin.

—Your voice is s weird!

—Sorry.

—Oh, no. I liked it! —the kid smiled.

He didn't say much, but thanks to Komori he had said enough. Sakusa wasn't one to start a conversation, so Komori did it for him. Komori always started conversations for Sakusa; and he was thanful for it.

—This is Sakusa Kiyoomi, my cousin. Sakusa, these are my friends! We can share them! They can also be your friends.

And Sakusa swears he tried. But apparently he wasn't made for friendships, because he was 13 and still barely talked to anyone, except for his cousin. So they decided to join a school club: Komori chose volleyball, and both of them joined.

Sakusa couldn't say if those people were friends, but at least he now talked to people.

—If you put a hand on me, I swear to god I will chop it off. 

Maybe those weren't the nicest words to say to someone you are teammates with, but Sakusa meant each one of it. 

—I get it, you are a germaphobe.

—He is not! —defended him his only friend.

—Then why can no one touch him?

—Maybe it is because you smell disgusting and sweat like a pig. Or maybe it could be because even after I told you not to do it, you still annoy me with it, and your annoying personality is what makes me keep as much distance as I can between us.

—I hate this fucking team.

Sakusa kind of did too. He only was there for two reasons: Komori wanted to join and Sakusa was, apparently, a good player. However, he barely befriended anyone between his school years, other than keeping acquaintances and "fake" friendships for the sake of the team.

Barely, because when he was 16 he met _him_ at All-Japan Youth training camp: Miya Atsumu. Someone he _never wanted to befriend,_ but somehow became his second.... friend? If that is what their relationship was even about.

**Author's Note:**

> i know it's short, but i rather keep it brief somehow and not force myself at night to write more than i want to. Who knows, maybe one day we have a 10 words chapter and the next one could pass as a copy of the Bible.
> 
> hope you all enjoyed! i'll try to upload as much as i can if college lets me.


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